2022年 4月 27日  1:21 pm

no more white flags
my semester wraps up soon as i prep for finals. im exhausted and ive come down with sickness due to that :) but im fighting the best i can while trying to keep my efforts up. ive been doing alot more reflecting lately about how ive been feeling about my life. alot of mourning of what i gave up. a little hope for the future i can make.
i let alot of doors close in my face over the last few years but i think ive grown up past this tendency to let go my successes out of fear that me succeeding is something evil/flawed. man fuck that haha! im going to start snatching my wins when i get them. because the older i get, the less wins i see….not for long. im in the process of re-introducing myself to the world with alot more confidence than what i used to have and im not letting a little guilt drag me back into a hole again.
i admit i keep mourning what i used to have going for me (large audience, support, friends, ect), but thats long gone and i have to accept that i gave all of that up out of guilt and that i have to create a new atmosphere and enviroment for myself.
im not going to give up what i love anymore. im going to hold onto it with everything i have, and never let anyone take it from me. im going to be alot more proud of myself, and give myself more pats on the back for when i do well. accept that theres things im fucking awesome at, and shout that to the sky until people cant stand me. let people not stand me. lavish in that feeling of being despised for being the baddest bitch in the room.
kinda gonna relive these vibes of this image i made during my mental health crisis:
its gonna be great lol. it feels good already